| HAUNTED
ATTRACTION |
| LAND
OF ILLUSION |
 |
| RATING:
9+ |
| Reviewed
9/14/07 |
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logos for reviews of each individual haunt |
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| MIDDLETOWN'S
LAND OF ILLUSION |
| featuring |
| MIDDLETOWN
HAUNTED TRAIL |
| (4 haunts
in 1) |
| 8762 Thomas
Rd |
| Middletown,
Ohio 45042 |
| (513) 423-9960 |
| $30 for
all 4 - plus $2 parking |
|
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 |
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| REVIEW |
| THE
MIDDLETOWN HAUNTED TRAIL: An all new trail is
on tap for 2007. Many memorable scenes have been retained including
favorites like Slaughterhouse where bodies are dismembered by a
giant table saw, while a chainsaw packing lunatic picks up any leftovers,
Witches
tending
to their bubbling cauldrons, and that awesome encounter with
The Headless
Horseman! Complementing these is the addition of Area 49
- an action zone nearly beyond description, but consisting of overwhelming
sounds and alarms, and featuring attacks by several animated monsters,
an alligator, and an additional surprise you'll have to discover for yourselves!
Stay alert while exiting the barracks to avoid stepping in the path of
the blinding headlights belonging to a crazed car, blasting its horn, as
it nearly runs you over! The woods are inhabited by fiends wearing
gas masks, another shooting flames from a blowtorch, and we all know the
theme from Halloween can mean only one thing - Michael Myers
is about to claim another victim! On the horizon lies a spooky cemetery
inhabited by a madman foaming at the mouth, then a picket fence-like maze,
and a pair of darkened school buses, filled with death and evil.
You'll also encounter an insane woman proudly displaying the head of recent
victim like it's her most prized trophy, a creepy junkyard (a.k.a.
auto graveyard), a spinning vortex, and an intense scene of blinding strobes
and deafening music, highlighted by a bloody-mouthed, flesh-eating creature
devouring a corpse near the exit of this one mile of night terrors known
better as The Middletown Haunted Trail.
Analysis:
LENGTH - 9½, 20-25 mins.
ACTORS - 8½, Standouts are the bloodthirsty flesh-eater,
the loony carrying the head, Slaughterhouse chainsaw maniac, and
the brute with the blowtorch! Could benefit from a bit more dialogue,
and interaction with the group, as well as increased numbers early on.
Could also stand to be a bit more aggressive.
SCARINESS - 8½, The natural darkness of
the outdoors only adds to the typically foggy trail, which combines to
provide ample hiding places for the various characters to unleash their
terror.
DESIGN - 9, Completely made-over this year. A little
slow at the beginning, with a few dead spots, but once things get going,
watch out! Area 49 is a work unto itself. The Horseman is perfectly
placed, and a sight to behold! Fantastic sounds and "mood music."
Rob Zombie, while most effective in building the climax, might be a bit
overused elsewhere.
PROPS - 9+, Plenty of animatronics. Area 49 is
most impressive, and the Headless Horseman is classic!
VALUE - 10, A little pricey on it's own ($14), but $7.50
on the Killer Combo ticket for a lengthy trail? Can't be beat!
RATING: 9. The feature attraction at
LOI
has
been completely revamped, and showcases some of the most sophisticated
props in existence. Pay attention to the elaborate soundtrack as
you make your way through. You won't be disappointed! |
| DR.
PSYCHO'S HAUNTED ESTATE: The
estate is simply magnificent! Once again, our favorite Haunt at The
Land of Illusion! The assault begins as you approach the Haunted
Estate, and doesn't let up! The old house illuminates with flashes
of lightning as you make your way through an intimidating cemetery.
Of course, the journey is accompanied by just the right music, as if the
setting itself isn't unnerving enough! Skeletons make use of a hearse
to deliver another casket to its final resting place, while the poor undead
soul inside struggles to free himself before he's buried alive! Bodies
escape their graves, while more chained coffins shake and vibrate vigorously
on their own! Animated corpses spring to life, a gravedigger prepares
another earthen tomb, and a recently hanged victim thrashes about in the
trees above, a noose clutching at his throat and choking the life right
out of him! More animated creatures, as well as a chainsaw wielding
madman descend upon you from all directions! Just loads of surprises
already, and you've yet to enter the Estate itself! As you
finally make your way inside, meticulously decorated rooms are just jammed
with still more shocking surprises and scares, most notably one so perfectly
timed you'll just have to experience it for yourselves! Various rooms
of the spooky old manner are visited, including the kitchen, dining room,
laboratory, and bedroom complete with a levitating bed and a skeleton being
propelled from a wheelchair! Werewolves howl, giant, caged rats struggle
for their freedom, and then, of course there's Dr. Psycho himself
! In addition to this mad scientise's diabolical experiments, you'll
encounter a light vortex, and a locked cellar door that restrains some
long forgotten soul, trapped for eternity inside Dr. Psycho's Haunted
Estate.
Analysis:
LENGTH - 8, Between 10 and 15 mins.
ACTORS - 8½, Numerous and impressive animatronics
provide plenty of distractions, the deceptions from which allow the rabid
actors to pounce on you at just the right time! But, can't say any
of the characters were nearly as memorable as their mechanical counterparts.
Need a few standouts to score higher.
SCARINESS - 9½, Tons and tons of well timed traditional,
and technological scares!
DESIGN - 9½, OUTSTANDING! Just wish it was
a little longer! Graveyard beginning leading up to the Estate
is unsurpassed! Once again, the audio track is second to none.
You can actually feel the wooden floor vibrate beneath your feet as it
accompanies the sound of a beating heart! Could stand a more climactic
finish, but otherwise unbelievable!
PROPS - 9½, From start to finish, just filled
with overwhelming props and loads of animatronics!
VALUE -10, For $7.50 as part of the Killer Combo
ticket, this haunt is the greatest bargain in town!
RATING: 9+, This is what Halloween's
all about! It's scary, and action packed from start to finish.
Don't miss it! |
| TEMPLE
OF TERROR: A mysterious door, covered
with ancient Egyptian markings slides open allowing entrance into the Temple
of Terror. Out of the darkness, surprises begin the moment you
step inside! Quite a few species reside in the Temple - mummified
bodies, some still clinging to life, and the largest bats known to man,
seen hanging upside down, violently flapping their enormous wings.
Creatures whiz by overhead, and a huge, bloody-mouthed impaler springs
to life right before your very eyes, clutching his spear in one hand, and
his most recent victim in his other! Which member of your group will
be next? Navigation is difficult across a wooden sway bridge, and
through a spinning vortex. Witness the tortured remains of a skeletal
victim thrashing violently on a bed of nails, and other wicked monsters
that readily terrorize you while inside the tomb. Skeletons, chained
behind bars come to life and grab at you, while deadly cobras protect these
evil catacombs, spraying their tragically poisonous venom at all who dare
to invade the Temple of Terror.
Analysis:
LENGTH - 8, 10 to 15 mins.
ACTORS - 8½, Quite an enthusiastic bunch, but
they don't quite compare to the elaborate animatronics. Need to see
some live mummies, with interacting dialogue in order to leave a more lasting
impression.
SCARINESS - 8½, Many startles and unexpected things
happening inside the tomb. Fantastic sound effects, with dripping
water being most unnerving and noticeable.
PROPS - 9, Plenty of astonishing animatronics on display
- keep an out out overhead!
DESIGN - 8½, A little short, but action-packed
for the most part while it lasts. A few undeveloped areas exist where
darkness combines with masterful audio enhancement to make your skin crawl!
VALUE - 9½, Only $7.50 on the Killer Combo
ticket - well worth the price of admission!
RATING: 8½, Another intense, top-notch
attraction at LOI. Don't blink, or you'll miss something! |
| KILLER
KLOWNS: The name here says it all.
If coulrophobia (an extreme fear of clowns) is among your phobias, this
isn't the place for you. Clowns, clowns and more clowns attempt to
engage you in various activities. Some offer invitations to play
games with them, or threaten to "get you," while others just seem mesmerized
by your presence. One "Killer klown" pops up seemingly out of nowhere
through a trap door in the floor! Circus music fills the air as these
carnival crazies make fools of us all. Disorienting strobes, and
a spinning vortex or two disrupt your equilibrium, and prepare you for
a most confusing chain link fence maze filled with deceptive dead ends.
More of these festival freaks occupy the corridors of this labyrinth, creating
distractions, that serve to further the entrapment. One climbs up
on top of the cage, while more joking jesters wickedly laugh and
taunt at our predicament. Another offers to share a secret, but I
wouldn't be too eager to take him up on that offer if I were you!
Beyond the maze lies a "play room" filled with plastic balls and more hidden
hooligans, then a curtain maze, Jack in the Box, a shrinking hallway, and
one final SURPRISE just as you think you've safely escaped all the Killer
Klowns!
Analysis:
LENGTH - 8, Around 10 mins. but can be much longer depending
on the amount of time spent lost in the maze.
ACTORS - 8½, These actors have the most difficult
job at LOI because they don't have the volume of expensive props
at their disposal to rely on. Much improved from a year ago.
Lots of intimidating, misleading Killers chuckling throughout..
SCARINESS - 8, More so if you dislike clowns. The
cage maze can easily become quite frustrating.
PROPS - 8, Not as exciting in comparison to the other
3 haunts. Favorites are maze, spinning vortex, and a few surprises
we choose not to give away!
DESIGN -8, Somewhat short, and nothing all that unexpected.
The Klowns are the stars of this show, and rightfully so.
VALUE - 9, If you're going to skip one, this might
be it. But, still just $7.50 on the Killer Combo ticket, and
many people are downright terrified of clowns.
RATING : 8, Easily the most improved of the 4
attractions at LOI. The $30 combo ticket is unquestionably
the way to go. |
| LAND
OF ILLUSION - OVERALL EXPERIENCE: The Land
of Illusion is everything you'd want in Halloween entertainment and
more! $30 gets you four of the most impressive haunts around, each
uniquely themed, and reasonably priced at only $7.50 each!!! Elaborate,
animated props, too numerous to count are featured throughout, and complemented
with fantastic soundtracks and lighting effects that challenge all the
senses. Bring a date, bring mom and dad, bring the kids, bring the
whole family and feel the warmth of the bonfire and enjoy a snack from
the Creepy Cafe while you wait to enter the attractions. Visit
the gift shop, or let your friends hear what they're missing during the
live radio broadcasts! In addition to the unmatched 4-venue
haunt, Land of Illusion has created quite a unique atmosphere for
people to come and just have fun. Not only do you get to experience
all the traditional scares presented in a most professional manner, but
it's a great place to just hang out with friends! As is customary,
many of the profits from past years have been reinvested in the haunts
themselves. As a result, they're bigger and better than ever!
The
Trail and Haunted Estate are still our personal favorites,
but improvements across the board are evident. Even if you've been
here before, you'll find plenty of new surprises ready to scare the pants
off of you! Where else can you find this much to do all at the same
location? One can only admire the efficiency with which LOI
handles such large crowds, and the energy level maintained by their actors,
who tirelessly repeat their performances basically non-stop over a four
hour period. Waiting areas are sheltered from the weather, and feature
entertainment in the form of various horror segments broadcast on several
TV's. It's all designed to make the time spent waiting in line more
enjoyable, and each one is personalized to its individual haunt.
So what are you waiting for? Join the crowd at Middletown's Land
of Illusion! HINT: Ohio Valley Haunts recommends arriving
early, visiting on Friday nights when crowds are a little smaller, and
suggests hitting the trail first as the line forms early and gets longer
as the night goes on. If you do happen to run out of time, tickets
are honored throughout the season, so take advantage of the savings by
purchasing the 4-Haunt Killer Combo ticket.
Overall Analysis:
Kudos to all the actors. We don't envy their task
of maintaining their enthusiasm while endlessly performing their entertaining
tasks for so many people, and such extended periods of time. The
creation and development of a few more signature characters would elevate
their score. LOI maintains an extreme level of frightfulness
throughout the differently themed attractions, utilizing unmatched animatronics
that deliver excellently timed scares that perfectly set the stage for
the actors to do their jobs. A few of the haunts are a little on
the short side, but bombard you with eye candy the whole time you're there.
$30 sounds like a lot, but only $7.50 per attraction as part of their Killer
Combo package is a very reasonable amount considering the quality of
scares to be had.
OVERALL RATING 9, The event achieves it's
score by collectively gathering an impressive assembly of so many outstanding
attractions located at the same venue. Thus, the LOI experience
rates slightly higher in unison than some of its component haunts considered
individually. Be sure to spend an evening this Halloween season at
LOI.
Be afraid, be very afraid!
Note: Parking proceeds benefit the Madison
Music Boosters. |